If there’s one thing Britney Spears is bad at, it’s making crap music. She has quite a penchant for making erotic, lusty tracks that many a gay lad, such as myself, and legions of others ooze in delight for. Last year, I made a mix CD for two friends and myself entitled, appropriately enough - Britney’s Sex Mix. All who received the prestigious compilation raved at the quality of sexual times and all around hot events that took place upon its play.

Here now, I present to you, Britney’s Sex Mix, in all it’s ooey, gooey, delicious glory.

To make a good mix CD or playlist, you need to figure out what songs will work for your theme, then group them, and finally, organize the groups in a manner which begets a certain flow. Running through Britney’s oeuvre, I came up with a list of fifteen songs perfect for a night of sexual healing. Let’s begin, shall we?

We open the set unassumingly, starting off with a dirty beat, but not flat out pushing you into the bedroom. Jason Nevins’ Remix of “Early Mornin’” from B In The Mix: The Remixes is a nice jumping off point. With its dirty rhythms, and suggestive lyrics about hooking up with random people at the bar, the song is pure Britney, and all-around fantastic. The beat is probably the most sexual thing about this track, and for a lot of us, that’s enough to get things headed in the right direction.

The next two tracks are interchangeable when it comes to running order, as they basically pick up exactly where the last song left off. “Boys” is Britney’s classic ode to the penisly-inclined gender, and how sometimes she just needs one [ah-get-nasty!]. I feel ya, baby. “(I Got That) Boom Boom” is Britney and the Ying Yang Twins goin’ all dirty South on our asses. As with “Early Mornin’,” this one is more about the dirty beat, then the dirty intentions.

Rounding out our opening selections is the first song to come from Blackout, “Perfect Lover.” “Baby, I’m yours for the taking/Don’t you wanna see my body naked/I know that you like the way I shake it/And I hope that you can take it/You’re the perfect lover,” she moans over the seductive groove that rides underneath her hot vocals.

We next hear the very familiar opening beats from one of Britney’s biggest hits, “I’m A Slave 4 U.” Everything about this song oozes sensuality. From her now infamous heavy-panting, to her cooing of such refrains as, “I just wanna dance next to you,” and pondering quietly, “Do you like it?” As if there were any doubt, darlin’.

“Showdown” is next on the ridin’ it to Britney train, and it fits nicely next to the last track, “Slave.” With lyrics such as “Never thought I’d see you like this/You’re lookin’ good when you’re half-dressed,” and “I don’t really wanna be a tease/But would you undo my zipper please?” this steamy scorcher was bound to find it’s way onto the playlist.

Our next track is somewhat of an iffy selection. A friend told me it creeped her out because of the phrasing of the chorus. “Bad girls and bad little boys won’t last forever/But good girls and good little boys/Will make love forever.” The In The Zone bonus track, “Girls and Boys” does straddle the line, but if you are actually in your zone and the song pops up, I can assure you, dear readers, that the music merely helps create the moment, and doesn’t define it. Give this one a chance.

The next portion on our sexual journey is another excellent remix from the B In The Mix album. “Toxic (Peter Rauhofer’s Reconstruction Mix Edit)” pulsates right in after the last track, and let’s you know that all bets are now off. The dark rhythms replace the sugary sweet original arrangements, but leaves enough of a trace to make the original recognizable, but much more incredibly sexy.

“Freakshow,” storms in appropriately enough after the beating of Rauhofer’s work. This Blackout track is an ode to being a freak out at the club, then grabbin’ some guys and hittin’ the after hours together. Ooh la la! “Get Naked (I Got A Plan),” also from Blackout, is a nice follow-up, with Britney and producer Danja trading lines throughout the song. Basically, Britney’s a crazy, lusty lady, and she doesn’t give a damn… now let’s f*ck! That’s my description of this song in a nutshell. Very nice!

The last portion of this piece starts to slow things down a bit. We’ve had our nice opening foreplay selections, the hot and heavy moments, and now we get down to finishing the job we started and getting down to the cuddling, showering, or whatever happens to be your routine.

After the grinding beats of “Get Naked,” we smooth things out a bit with “Breathe On Me,” Britney’s ode to not actually touching, just… blowing on one another (yeah, right). It’s a Spears classic, and one that couldn’t be forgotten on such a hot collection as this. The string-laden song is followed nicely with another song with strings, and also sung with sexual gusto from Britney, “And Then We Kiss.” In my opinion, this is one of her most underrated singles. The urgency in her vocal take oozes with the authenticity of just wanting a deep, passionate kissing session.

To end this three-way of string-songs, we tie it all up with the greatest masturbation song of the early 00’s, “Touch of My Hand.” Sure, she’s singing about self-love, but sometimes, you gotta do what you’ve gotta do. Her delivery is smoking hot, and like I said regarding “Girls & Boys,” it’s more about the vibe by this point then the actual lyrics, regardless of how highly self-sexualized they may be.

“You love it, you love it/I’m so hooked on it (hooked on it)/It’s so good on a bad day,” Britney tells us in the next song, “Sugarfall,” which comes from the Blackout sessions. In the song, Britney is singing to a guy she’s hooking up with, their sex is amazing, but he’s with another girl. Her mama tells her she should leave him because he’ll be more trouble then he’s worth, but Britney sings to us, “Then I get the urge/It hurts so bad/When I feel the thirst, it makes me mad/I look up in my bed, and look up/And there is your face.” Pharrell of the Neptunes replies, “You love it, you love it.” Of course she does!

We now wrap things up with a little song dedicated to phone sex, “Don’t Hang Up.” The above-mentioned friend who wasn’t feeling “Girls & Boys” also wasn’t feeling this song too much. Then I hooked her up with the lyrics and her tune began to change. I think what the selling point was is the lyric, “Feel me underneath/Slowly, we begin to breathe/Hold on, hold on to your release.” And with that, the collection is almost completely wrapped up.

To end on a high, I finish you off with Britney’s amazing ode to secret places to party, “Over To You Now.” The song itself isn’t very sexual, except for her erotically saying, “Do you like this/This place that I’’m bringing you to/’cause I do…/Oh my God….” The final thing you hear on the collection is Britney moaning, “Oh my God…” and then it’s all over.

Hope you had a good time, and if you need some inspiration to come down from the hot and bothered Britney tracks, take a gander at this, one of my favorite non-sexual Brit pics! Peace!

Mmm! Tasty!

Tags: Britney Spears

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